If you are considering leaving your child alone on a regular basis, you may want to have a few trial runs first. One way to do this is to leave the child alone for a little while. Go shopping or visit a neighbor for a short time. Afterward, talk with your child about staying alone, listening carefully to see if he or she was afraid or lonely. How did you feel while you were away from your child?
After each trial run, sit down and talk with your child about the experience and how he or she felt about it. Again, your feelings about the experience are also important.
If your child is afraid to be alone in the house or unable to follow directions, he or she may not be ready to be left alone. Or, if you feel very anxious, you may want to consider other child care options.
Personal safety skills will help children protect themselves and also help keep them from being afraid. Children should be taught these skills gradually and given time to act out emergency situations. The more practice they get, the more likely they will remember what to do and how to be safe in a real emergency.
- The telephone is a lifeline between you and your child. If your work situation permits, have your child call when arriving home from school. A call from you once or twice a day can make your child feel more secure. Post a list of emergency numbers by the phone, and teach your child how to use them and what to say. Practice making these calls.
A major concern of parents with children at home alone is to keep outsiders from knowing that no adult is at home. In some families children are told not to answer the phone at all unless it rings your special code. An example of a code is when you call, let the phone ring two times, and then hang up and call again. The child knows he or she can answer.
If you want your child to answer all calls, have him or her practice these telephone safety rules:
- Answer the phone pleasantly. Do not give your name.
- Never tell a caller that you are at home alone. Say that your parent cannot come to the phone right now. Write down the name and phone number of the caller and say your parent will call back.
- Do not give anyone your parent's phone number at work. If the caller says the message is important and cannot wait, write down the number and call your parent at work.
- If the same person calls more than once and you do not know the person, call your parent or a contact person.
- If someone makes a prank call -- teases, scares you, threatens you or tries to play a trick on you -- hang up immediately and call your parent. Don't answer the phone or door until your parent or a contact person gets home.
In some families, the rule is not to answer the door at all. If you want your child to answer the door, have him or her practice these door safety rules:
- Be sure the door is always locked.
- Look through the window or peephole to see who is knocking or ringing the bell.
- Talk through the door to find out who it is and what he or she wants. Do not open the door.
- Never let anyone in unless you have been told to expect him or her, even if it is someone you know. Do not allow anyone in to use the bathroom or telephone. Say, "No, I am sorry." Never be embarrassed when you don't let people in.
- If the person at the door has come to deliver a package or make a repair and you were not told to expect it, do not let him or her in. If you are expecting a delivery or repair person, have him or her slip an ID card under the door.
- If you know the person or if the person says your parents asked him or her to stop by, call your parents and check.
- If someone continues knocking, call a neighbor or the police for help.
If these directions don't fit your family situation, create some that do. Write them out for your child to follow. Practice safety rules by acting out what to do in different situations.
Problems with misusing appliances can be avoided if you talk about which appliances your child may use or may not use. It might be helpful to have do-not-touch stickers on each appliance your child should not use. A list posted on the refrigerator door may also remind the child. You may not want your child to use the iron, the food processor, power tools and the stove. Be sure your child knows how to use correctly any appliances that he or she is permitted to use.
For companionship, your child may turn to the computer and social networking. Be sure you set house rules for that as well. Be sure you know who your child's contacts are. Discuss with your child which types of Internet sites are okay and which are not. There are also blockers that come with some software and those provided by your internet provider if you wish to block your child's contacts or Web sites. This is a good thing to have even if your child is not home alone.
A small crisis is a tense and upsetting situation; an emergency calls for immediate action. You should help your child to know which is a real emergency and what to do.
Examples of small crises are being locked out, plumbing problems or broken glassware or plates. Examples of emergency situations are home fires, severe weather and incidents requiring first aid such as cuts and scrapes, burns, nosebleeds and poisoning. Coach children on how to respond to each.
Rules for self-care play an important role for children at home alone because they help point out problems and tell your child what to do.
Rules define boundaries for safety and help your children feel secure. Rules show what you expect your child's behavior to be.
Children who understand the reasons for the rules and help to make the rules are more likely to follow the rules.
- Allow your child to help make the rules.
- State rules clearly and positively; be specific. Say, for example, "The breakfast dishes should be done and the table set for dinner by 5 p.m."
- If the rule involves a task, make it a necessary one and one that is appropriate for your child. It may be unreasonable for a 9-year-old to prepare dinner but appropriate for him or her to set the table.
- Build in an enforceable consequence with the rule. Say, "After your math homework is done, you may watch television for half an hour." When parents are not present to enforce the rules, enforcement should begin shortly after parents arrive home. Remember to check and enforce rules consistently.
- Remember that mistakes can happen. Firmness, patience and flexibility will help you and your child.
- Some areas where rules might help include: homework, chores, play privileges, care for a younger child and snack preparation.