The time for high school graduation will soon come for many teens in spring. Many parents will soon be sending their children off to college or into the work force. Independence is the No. 1 goal of many teenagers. How do parents help their children move from dependence to independence at this time? It starts before they even become teenagers.
It is best to transition to freedom and independence one small step at the time. The process should start from early childhood so that teenagers will be ready to carry on in a responsible manner when they do leave home. Moving swiftly from being dependent as a child to immediate independence is setting the child (and parent) up for failure. Just like driving a car, it takes practice to know what you're doing and to avoid "collisions."
Along with independence, parents need to help build the confidence teens need to make it on their own. Parents do make a big difference in their teen’s positive identity. Help your teen develop skills and competence in something that will help him or her find a positive identity, and the teen will come to believe in himself or herself. Teens that develop a positive self-image will be more likely to resist peer pressure to do things that will harm them. A daughter that has a sense of family belonging and gets attention and affection from dad will not be as pressured to prove something sexual to her boyfriend.
Parents do not want their teens to transfer their dependence to their peers but want them to make wise choices that will lead to a constructive life. If a child shows an attitude of disrespect for those in authority, the child is not ready to venture out into the big, wide world by himself or herself. If a teenager is showing rebellion, he or she could possibly take a quick turn to drugs abuse, sexual experimentation, running away, etc.
Gaining power too early or waiting too long to set our children free can have a devastating affect on teenagers. Waiting too long can cause a backlash from those children when they do gain their freedom. Parents should give their children opportunities to learn responsibility early on. Even a toddler can learn where his or her toys belong after play. As children get older, they can practice for adulthood through increased responsibility and greater degrees of independence. By practicing responsilibly and independence while still under their parents' tutelage and protection teens are allowed to make mistakes and go for a "test drive" in safety.
Dads sometimes have the hardest time with their children leaving home. It may be from regrets of not spending enough time or being too busy working and not growing a relationship. The dad suddenly realizes the time to do so will be no more. For parents who still have teenagers at home, it is wise to make some time to spend special moments with them because before you can turn around, they will have flown from the nest.
Check the statements below and see how many you say yes to. The more you answer yes, the higher your commitment to rearing caring, confident, responsible, independent kids.
1. I am willing to have a water balloon fight or watermelon spitting contest.
2. I hold my kids accountable for their behavior but do so with love and gentleness.
3. I try to help my kids grow and learn from mistakes.
4. I attend my kid's games or music lessons regularly.
5. I attend parent/teacher conferences at my child’s school.
6. I accept input from all family members for solutions to family problems.
7. My spiritual faith is visible to my kids.
8. I allow my children to increasingly take control over their own lives.
9. When I am angry, I do not yell or sulk. I talk openly and honestly.
10. I give affection through hugs and eye contact.
11. I do what I say I am going to do.
12. My family has traditions.
13. I admit my mistakes and my kids see me making amends quickly.
14. I allowed my child to make choices and that process started in my child's early years.
15. I try out suggestions my kids give for family or individual situations.